June 12, 2014

How to Feel Like Game of Thrones' The Mountain (without killing anyone)


Game of Thrones' Ser Gregor Clegane, better known as The Mountain, is a brute. Plain and simple. He's gigantic and cruel. When he was a child, he shoved his brother's face into the fire just because he was playing with one of Gregor's toys. He's also a walking weapon for the Lannisters. They point him in any given direction, and he carves a bloody path and takes care of business. This was recently showcased in "The Mountain and the Viper."

For all of his horrible acts though, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be so tall and intimidating. I'd like to try it for a day but without all the murder and gore. To that end, I have a few tips on how you can feel like The Mountain, no killing required.

  • Go to a playground and surround yourself with small children. You'll feel like a giant! Be careful to do this in a way that doesn't make you look creepy.
source
  • Set edible things like smores, bananas foster, and cherries jubilee on fire. Do not burn your siblings or any humans. Stick to food.
  • Take pride in your accomplishments... as long as they aren't murdering innocents.
  • Paint yourself green and pretend to be the Hulk. Okay, this applies more to the actor who plays The Mountain (Hafþór "Thor" Björnsson) than The Mountain, but it still counts!
  • Buy an old and cheap toy horse from a garage sale, flea market, or thrift store and break off its head.
  • Eat a jelly donut like this:

Will you judge me if I say that squishing a jelly donut was oddly satisfying? Because it was.

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